Jimmie has been driving Rachael INSANE this past week. He wants momma to hold him constantly. He is not content to play on his own, sleep on his own and if Rachael is around, he's not even content with Daddy. Rachael feels like this started with his recent g-tube surgery. It's hard to know if he would have hit this stage had he not been traumatized by the surgery. I know my kids did without a surgery, but regardless it has been a pretty dramatic personality change for him and consequently life has been a bit stressful and distressing for Rachael and Justin.
I keep telling Rach that he was an unbelievably good baby before now . . Now he's just like my kids. (-:
The hardest times are when Rachael has to pump. Yes- she can drive and pump, but pumping while holding a grabbing, wallowing Jimmie is a "no can do"! Jimmie often screams the entire 20 minutes she is pumping. Although daddy is not mommy Justin can still provide some relief. When he is gone on his 24 hour shift at the fire station it's an exhausting marathon for Rachael.
As we approach 2/11 I think there is some anxiety or post traumatic stress for Rachael (at least I know there is for me) connected to the memories and the trauma of his birth.
Kara (mother of micro-preemie triplets) shared in a comment on the last post: "probably the very hardest thing about the boys being born so early is that the day they were born is not the best day of my life like it's supposed to be."
I know Rachael can totally relate with that. It's so conflicting because of course we are excited for Jimmie's birthday, of course we want to celebrate the day we first looked into his face and we WILL- believe me! However it also brings back the feelings of grief, shock and fear that were felt as we looked at a "tinier than you can imagine"- Jimmie fighting for his life. There are no words to describe what Rachael and Justin were feeling during and after Jimmie's birth. The joy that he cried, that he was strong and that he did so well in the days following his birth- that joy was great, but it was also always tempered with warnings about how far he had to go, the dangers in his path . . .
We will celebrate Jimmie's birth! We will celebrate Jimmie's life! We will celebrate what God has done! And while we celebrate please pray for a little more healing of our memories and hearts. Jimmie's too. He may not cognitively remember, but there is so much more to memory than that.
Thank you for your love and support.
Love,
Amber
What about a great carrier like an Ergo, Beco, or mei tai? When my son needs extra attention, I wear him around on my back while I get things done. He's 25 pounds, and any of these 3 carriers are VERY comfortable, even for an extended period of time. I don't know how anyone gets by without one!
ReplyDeleteI agree with getting a carrier. My son always wanted to be held and that was our solution. I had a mei tai and a moby wrap. Loved both.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could tell Rachael that birthdays will get easier, but Sophia just turned 6 and I still cry on her birthday. Heck it usually starts the week leading up to her birthday. The grief isn't as raw, but it's still there. I am so grateful to have her with us and even more grateful that she is doing so great. In fact as I type this, she is reading a book and then going to cheerleading lol.
Can't wait to hear about Jimmie's birthday celebration!! Please pass on a big hug to him from Sophia and I!!
April
Oh Jimmie, you are a normal boy, but I will keep it secret between us :) You just go ahead and give your mommy a run for her money, but remember she loves you!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Rach, it's only a season. What a sweet lovable boy to snuggle!
with love
His big blue eyes are so handsome, he is getting so big! Happy Birthday Jimmie!
ReplyDelete