Wow! Beautiful boy!
Jimmie has been driving Rachael INSANE this past week. He wants momma to hold him constantly. He is not content to play on his own, sleep on his own and if Rachael is around, he's not even content with Daddy. Rachael feels like this started with his recent g-tube surgery. It's hard to know if he would have hit this stage had he not been traumatized by the surgery. I know my kids did without a surgery, but regardless it has been a pretty dramatic personality change for him and consequently life has been a bit stressful and distressing for Rachael and Justin.
I keep telling Rach that he was an unbelievably good baby before now . . Now he's just like my kids. (-:
The hardest times are when Rachael has to pump. Yes- she can drive and pump, but pumping while holding a grabbing, wallowing Jimmie is a "no can do"! Jimmie often screams the entire 20 minutes she is pumping. Although daddy is not mommy Justin can still provide some relief. When he is gone on his 24 hour shift at the fire station it's an exhausting marathon for Rachael.
As we approach 2/11 I think there is some anxiety or post traumatic stress for Rachael (at least I know there is for me) connected to the memories and the trauma of his birth.
Kara (mother of micro-preemie triplets) shared in a comment on the last post: "probably the very hardest thing about the boys being born so early is that the day they were born is not the best day of my life like it's supposed to be."
I know Rachael can totally relate with that. It's so conflicting because of course we are excited for Jimmie's birthday, of course we want to celebrate the day we first looked into his face and we WILL- believe me! However it also brings back the feelings of grief, shock and fear that were felt as we looked at a "tinier than you can imagine"- Jimmie fighting for his life. There are no words to describe what Rachael and Justin were feeling during and after Jimmie's birth. The joy that he cried, that he was strong and that he did so well in the days following his birth- that joy was great, but it was also always tempered with warnings about how far he had to go, the dangers in his path . . .
We will celebrate Jimmie's birth! We will celebrate Jimmie's life! We will celebrate what God has done! And while we celebrate please pray for a little more healing of our memories and hearts. Jimmie's too. He may not cognitively remember, but there is so much more to memory than that.
Thank you for your love and support.